He only wet the bed......
Yes I have suffered the above bad luck. I have had friends who have told me how if their boyfriends drink Stella they wet the bed and wondered why on earth they continued to sleep with such an unappealing bloke and then it happened to me. YUCK!
I went out this past Friday night with one of the girls from work and her mate who had come down from near Oxford to experience Reading at night. We dressed up for action and I had even not bothered to shave my legs for a couple of days to add to the effect that I am due my monthly "short back and sides" ( It is a well know fact that if you have not bothered to completely preen yourself and have really tried ie you've not bothred with the matching underwear etc, you will pull a fairly decent bloke and scare him with your gorilla legs hence guarentting you will never see him again) It was quite a good night in all and we ended up at the Hobgoblin where we got chatting to some random blokes and I picked a nice looking Dutch man to harrass. Well he ended up coming with us and sponged drinks off us for the rest of the night and played this stupid Mr Mysterious role that I knew was a load of bollocks but I couldn't help myself by then as alcohol has beaten common sense out of my body and was taking control of my legs despite my best efforts. Anyway, the pubs and clubs all closed and we were at the dirty burger shack when he said that we should go to my place for a night cap. I quickly dragged him off before he changed his mind or sobered up and abandoned my mates to the scrum for a burger.
That's when it got good, he grabbed me while we were walking and then held me so gently while he kissed me. I played the game of "we are only ment to be having a night cap" and would break away and walk ahead for a bit until he caught up with me and would push me against a wall or fence and talk to me with his mouth millimeters away from mine before going in for the snog. All very nice. When we got back to my place the same theme continued and he took control in the bed. It was great! Well having a man that takes control and could make decisions etc was great, his willy was average and his technique alright but again a bit selfish it was really great because of his decisivness and being in charge.
We fell asleep and he was very cuddly which was lovely if not a bit smothering at times and he woke me in the morning by shooting upright and leaping out of bed, I being a good hostess asked if anything was wrong to which he shouted no as he leapt into the bathroom and slammed the door. I rolled over to keep the bed warm and hope for some further action when it hit me that the wet patch was not only still wet but had grown quite extensively. I pulled back the duvet and saw a massive wet patch. God I couldn't believe it. I stripped the bed and stared at my nice new mattress in horror willing the massive wet patch to disappear. Meanwhile my Dutch guest was still hiding in the bathroom and had decided to shower. At a loss when the shower ended I offered him a cuppa and while I was brewing he sheepishly appeared telling me how ashamed he was. I felt for him really and told him that wasn't the typical reaction of any man I had had to stay over and I didn't think I was that scarey to look at in the morning. So he stayed for a bit and we chatted and he continued to talk bollocks but I humoured him and then he got fruity and we had sex again but this time on my sofa at no risk of getting wet. he left to catch his flight back to Holland and we stramgely didn't exchange details.
I forgot to say that he spoke in Dutch to me during the sex and and it was a real turn on. He could of been calling me anything but it was great. I like being muttered to in Dutch during sex it's great.
Moral of the story; well aside from the fact that Dutchmen have crap bladder control and tell tales, I find being spoken to in a foreign language a huge turn on during sex, these one night stands do leave you feeling a bit empty really and lonely. Not sure how to deal with that except I have my little dreams that they will reappear on my doorstep and declare their passion for me and whisk me away to some where nice. Men they are all dicks really but it would be nice to have one to hold me every now and then. Maybe I will go and invest in a bulk load of incontinent pants and move to Holland?????