Suddenly single at 32.....

Monday, October 23, 2006

He only wet the bed......

Yes I have suffered the above bad luck. I have had friends who have told me how if their boyfriends drink Stella they wet the bed and wondered why on earth they continued to sleep with such an unappealing bloke and then it happened to me. YUCK!

I went out this past Friday night with one of the girls from work and her mate who had come down from near Oxford to experience Reading at night. We dressed up for action and I had even not bothered to shave my legs for a couple of days to add to the effect that I am due my monthly "short back and sides" ( It is a well know fact that if you have not bothered to completely preen yourself and have really tried ie you've not bothred with the matching underwear etc, you will pull a fairly decent bloke and scare him with your gorilla legs hence guarentting you will never see him again) It was quite a good night in all and we ended up at the Hobgoblin where we got chatting to some random blokes and I picked a nice looking Dutch man to harrass. Well he ended up coming with us and sponged drinks off us for the rest of the night and played this stupid Mr Mysterious role that I knew was a load of bollocks but I couldn't help myself by then as alcohol has beaten common sense out of my body and was taking control of my legs despite my best efforts. Anyway, the pubs and clubs all closed and we were at the dirty burger shack when he said that we should go to my place for a night cap. I quickly dragged him off before he changed his mind or sobered up and abandoned my mates to the scrum for a burger.

That's when it got good, he grabbed me while we were walking and then held me so gently while he kissed me. I played the game of "we are only ment to be having a night cap" and would break away and walk ahead for a bit until he caught up with me and would push me against a wall or fence and talk to me with his mouth millimeters away from mine before going in for the snog. All very nice. When we got back to my place the same theme continued and he took control in the bed. It was great! Well having a man that takes control and could make decisions etc was great, his willy was average and his technique alright but again a bit selfish it was really great because of his decisivness and being in charge.

We fell asleep and he was very cuddly which was lovely if not a bit smothering at times and he woke me in the morning by shooting upright and leaping out of bed, I being a good hostess asked if anything was wrong to which he shouted no as he leapt into the bathroom and slammed the door. I rolled over to keep the bed warm and hope for some further action when it hit me that the wet patch was not only still wet but had grown quite extensively. I pulled back the duvet and saw a massive wet patch. God I couldn't believe it. I stripped the bed and stared at my nice new mattress in horror willing the massive wet patch to disappear. Meanwhile my Dutch guest was still hiding in the bathroom and had decided to shower. At a loss when the shower ended I offered him a cuppa and while I was brewing he sheepishly appeared telling me how ashamed he was. I felt for him really and told him that wasn't the typical reaction of any man I had had to stay over and I didn't think I was that scarey to look at in the morning. So he stayed for a bit and we chatted and he continued to talk bollocks but I humoured him and then he got fruity and we had sex again but this time on my sofa at no risk of getting wet. he left to catch his flight back to Holland and we stramgely didn't exchange details.

I forgot to say that he spoke in Dutch to me during the sex and and it was a real turn on. He could of been calling me anything but it was great. I like being muttered to in Dutch during sex it's great.

Moral of the story; well aside from the fact that Dutchmen have crap bladder control and tell tales, I find being spoken to in a foreign language a huge turn on during sex, these one night stands do leave you feeling a bit empty really and lonely. Not sure how to deal with that except I have my little dreams that they will reappear on my doorstep and declare their passion for me and whisk me away to some where nice. Men they are all dicks really but it would be nice to have one to hold me every now and then. Maybe I will go and invest in a bulk load of incontinent pants and move to Holland?????

Monday, September 25, 2006

The Rules

What are these rules when it comes to dating? Now I have gone through my frantic search to bed as many men as possible to wipe the memory of my ex from me I find myself, instead of searching for a one night stand when I go out, to just chatting with my friends .Now I look at blokes as potential dating material and have had a couple of encounters which have only confirmed that if men think women are hard to understand they should take a good look at themselves.

One encounter was with a bloke who activelly chatted me up, got my number, had a good snog (the technique needed work but he wasn't bad!) , He then rang and left me a voicemailsaying how much he had enjoyed himself so i gathered advice from my friends on how to proceed. After much discussion and a variety of opinons it was settled to not contact him unless I hadn't heard anything by Thursday. So I waited and naturally Thursday arrived without a peep so I text him a fairly neutral non pyscho/stalker type text hoping he got home alright etc,etc and waited. NOTHING, not a word! I spent Friday wandering around the office bombarding the boys with questions and trying to fathom out what rules they use when first contacting a girl. Turns out that they said it was my fault because I didn't contact him sooner ( I am going with the more popular theory that his call was a booty call i.e; he wanted a shag)

Suitably baffled I once again swore off men (the previous time was when I had an encounter with a strange little man and all he wanted was a tit wank so he could come all over "my lovely big titties" as he delicately put it) and carried one as before until I was kind of set up on a date by an old work friend with another one of the guys who hung around at times in our drinking group. Here I think I broke the rules (my interpretation anyway), I dragged him outside and snogged him to see if we should go on this date and then initiated text sex on the journey home, which was fun. He came over this weekend( I guess to find out if the text was the same as the actual) and of course we ended up in bed, well in bed and on the floor and in bed, you get the idea. My friends have confirmed that I have definitely f**ked up and I will never get a new boyfriend by leaping into bed straight away with them. In my defense I was horny and hadn't had any for a couple of months and any cock would do.

Anyway back to the rules, you see what should happen now? Do i text or will that be seen as either a:- being a stalker or b:-being smothering or should I wait for his contact. It was a nice time and he seemed okay (only 1 head, 2 arms, 2 legs and 1 cock) but should it have been amazing? Should sparks be flying and we be in touch all the time? I have always be a girl who prefered a larger cock and it was average , which I know my best mate would pounce on me saying that and go on about how it's all mental but I have my likes and dislikes (dislikes being a "mini me" of any shape or form/ Likes being size and or girth). I couldn't always read him and so was unsure of either what he was thinking or feeling at times and so not overly convinced that he was enjoying himself. Should I stop over analysing it all and go with the flow? trouble is as much as I would tell myself it's not a rejection that' exactly how I'll see it despite the fact I am not overly sure.

Rules, see are very confusing. Everyone has their own set and so I shall aim to go with the flow. I have a party to go to this weekend in London any way and there will be potential there and definitely lots and lots of fun.

Thursday, July 20, 2006

Busy, busy

Sorry I have been so lax. I have been a bit busy and distracted lately. Since my last update I have fallen asleep on the train and ended up in Oxford where the taxi driver promptly charged me double the normal fare to get back to Reading and lectured me all the way home while I sobbed quietly to myself. B**tard! I have also had to fend off the attentions of a bloke who not only was shorter than me and had longer hair then me but when he must have finally realised he wasn't getting anywhere is last winning line was " I just want to cum over your lovely, big tittys"!!!???? Strangely not a winner with me. I got outrageously drunk at the work summer do by the river and promtly fell into the only marshy bit of land for miles round, some how managed to get all the way back to the taxi rank before one of my mates noticed and remarked that I looked like I had just finished a shift in the mines and tried to clean my face up as best he could so a taxi would take me home, while I just stood there and whinged about being wet and cold. I woke up the following morning wondering while I felt like I was wearing an all over body pack until I rolled over and saw mud all over my pillow and sheets. I then spied my wet and very muddy clothes in a pile on the floor and slowly the memories came back. I have preceeded to develop anumber of bruises all over me as well which I can not imagine how I got and it's probably best I don't dwell on it either.

I have taken up scuba diving and really enjoy it. I think at last I have found something I am good at. I may resemble an elephant seal in my wetsuit but it's great and I can't wait to get to Barbados in November to try out my new found skills in the beautiful caribbean sea!

Thursday, June 08, 2006

You've only got one....

You know you have good days and bad days but sometimes you get thoses days when you yo - yo!

One of my friends sent me an email with a great outlook on life at the end of it that I am adopting. It goes like this:-

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body, but rather a skid in sideways - Chardonney in
one hand - chocolate in the other - body throughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WooHoo, What a ride!"

I think that is a great philosophy - it's the trying to live up to it that's hard sometimes, especially on days like today when you wake up feeling pretty good about yourself, put on your new tanning moisturiser, lever in to your new trousers realising that there is a bit of room in them after all and head off feeling hot to trot with secret thoughts of how maybe the 25yr Aussie might bump into you and you can pretend you are too busy to see him and be all distintrested while he practically begs you to go for a drink with him (yeah - still trying to flush him out of my system afterhow long? - 2-3 weeks) THEN while pottering around at lunchtime you catch sight of yourself in a shop window and far from looking slimmer you still resemble a dumpy, fat duck... I hate shop windows - they should be non- reflective(Back to secretly thinking that the 25yr Aussie wouldn't possibly want to go near that, would he? He did once before...).

I know I think that should never have any regrets because it would terrible to carc it wondering "what if.." and " I wish I'd..." but I guess it would be my regret if I couldn't get to see myself slim in a shop window. I think anyway... not sure what I'm trying to say really but that I hate shop window reflections and I want to live life to the full..Maybe I just wanted a rant??

Wednesday, June 07, 2006

Marsupial Pouch Sweat

One of the guys at work has bought a Korean energy drink from the nearby Sushi place and it's called Pocari Sweat! I reckon the Koreans are taking the piss - literally. There is probably a big factory in Korea somewhere with lots of Koreans peeing into this huge vat that they fill the cans from. They then sell this to us mugs who think of how broad minded and healthy we are being, in the mean time they are laughing all the way to the bank....

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Christmas at Twickenham

Have any of you ever been to the Sevens tournament at Twickers. It is a great day out!

I was there with a couple of other girls and a couple of blokes and us girls decided Christmas had come early for us. There were soo many lovely guys around us (not only on the pitch) that we had a mild case of whiplash by the end of the day. All the big teams got knocked out early with one of the best matches being Australia Vs Russia. Russia whipped their sorry, little, but pert arses and one of the Russians scored a hatrick of tries. He almost became a cult figure as the chant of "Igor!, Igor!, Igor!" would go around the stadium whenever things were going well. In fact even on the bus back into Richmond that chant was going strong.

After that we headed to Redback in Acton which has a great night on a Sunday and loads of people had headed there after the Rugby so the great atmophere kept going. Snakebites in our hands we bounced around on the dancefloor getting covered in drink and getting really hot. Some of the guys are a bit touched in the head there though, I had one guy come over and bite one of my breasts. He laughed when I whacked him back on the head and gave me a kiss so it wasn't all bad I guess but each time he approached me after that I would turn away although I suppose I could have got matching bruises on my chest. Then most of the Sevens rugby teams turned up so it was Christmas all over again. These guys are gorgeous and they know it. We didn't in the end though join some of them on their coach back to their hotel as the hoards of other girls they had gathered put us off.

What a great day though! I haven't had that much fun for ages and the fact that I had forgotten to bring my pair of jeans with me and had to wear my horrible baggy trousers all weekend didn't really dampen the weekend at all. In fact I am sure they contributed to why no one sat next to me on the train back to Reading on Monday morning at 6.30AM!!!!!!

Friday, June 02, 2006

Watching paint dry....

There are many days a week when I wonder if watching paint dry could really be all that boring compared to my job.

My brain has had so little use here that it's begining to go mushy. No wonder there is a small band of my work collegues that think I am intellectualy challenged. What am I talking about? A large band, in fact most of them. At least I have better toilet habits than them, I am not sure if it's some sort of male ritual here that when you go to the loo you must scatter your pubic hair as far and as much as possible around the place. How do they stick it to the wall like that or maybe I shouldn't ask. Ahh well I guess I can go back to surfing the celeb websites...... ZZZZZZZZ