Suddenly single at 32.....

He only wet the bed......

2006-10-23T17:42:00.000+01:00

Yes I have suffered the above bad luck. I have had friends who have told me how if their boyfriends drink Stella they wet the bed and wondered why on earth they continued to sleep with such an unappealing bloke and then it happened to me. YUCK!

I went out this past Friday night with one of the girls from work and her mate who had come down from near Oxford to experience Reading at night. We dressed up for action and I had even not bothered to shave my legs for a couple of days to add to the effect that I am due my monthly "short back and sides" ( It is a well know fact that if you have not bothered to completely preen yourself and have really tried ie you've not bothred with the matching underwear etc, you will pull a fairly decent bloke and scare him with your gorilla legs hence guarentting you will never see him again) It was quite a good night in all and we ended up at the Hobgoblin where we got chatting to some random blokes and I picked a nice looking Dutch man to harrass. Well he ended up coming with us and sponged drinks off us for the rest of the night and played this stupid Mr Mysterious role that I knew was a load of bollocks but I couldn't help myself by then as alcohol has beaten common sense out of my body and was taking control of my legs despite my best efforts. Anyway, the pubs and clubs all closed and we were at the dirty burger shack when he said that we should go to my place for a night cap. I quickly dragged him off before he changed his mind or sobered up and abandoned my mates to the scrum for a burger.

That's when it got good, he grabbed me while we were walking and then held me so gently while he kissed me. I played the game of "we are only ment to be having a night cap" and would break away and walk ahead for a bit until he caught up with me and would push me against a wall or fence and talk to me with his mouth millimeters away from mine before going in for the snog. All very nice. When we got back to my place the same theme continued and he took control in the bed. It was great! Well having a man that takes control and could make decisions etc was great, his willy was average and his technique alright but again a bit selfish it was really great because of his decisivness and being in charge.

We fell asleep and he was very cuddly which was lovely if not a bit smothering at times and he woke me in the morning by shooting upright and leaping out of bed, I being a good hostess asked if anything was wrong to which he shouted no as he leapt into the bathroom and slammed the door. I rolled over to keep the bed warm and hope for some further action when it hit me that the wet patch was not only still wet but had grown quite extensively. I pulled back the duvet and saw a massive wet patch. God I couldn't believe it. I stripped the bed and stared at my nice new mattress in horror willing the massive wet patch to disappear. Meanwhile my Dutch guest was still hiding in the bathroom and had decided to shower. At a loss when the shower ended I offered him a cuppa and while I was brewing he sheepishly appeared telling me how ashamed he was. I felt for him really and told him that wasn't the typical reaction of any man I had had to stay over and I didn't think I was that scarey to look at in the morning. So he stayed for a bit and we chatted and he continued to talk bollocks but I humoured him and then he got fruity and we had sex again but this time on my sofa at no risk of getting wet. he left to catch his flight back to Holland and we stramgely didn't exchange details.

I forgot to say that he spoke in Dutch to me during the sex and and it was a real turn on. He could of been calling me anything but it was great. I like being muttered to in Dutch during sex it's great.

Moral of the story; well aside from the fact that Dutchmen have crap bladder control and tell tales, I find being spoken to in a foreign language a huge turn on during sex, these one night stands do leave you feeling a bit empty really and lonely. Not sure how to deal with that except I have my little dreams that they will reappear on my doorstep and declare their passion for me and whisk me away to some where nice. Men they are all dicks really but it would be nice to have one to hold me every now and then. Maybe I will go and invest in a bulk load of incontinent pants and move to Holland?????

The Rules

2006-09-25T18:11:00.000+01:00

What are these rules when it comes to dating? Now I have gone through my frantic search to bed as many men as possible to wipe the memory of my ex from me I find myself, instead of searching for a one night stand when I go out, to just chatting with my friends .Now I look at blokes as potential dating material and have had a couple of encounters which have only confirmed that if men think women are hard to understand they should take a good look at themselves.

One encounter was with a bloke who activelly chatted me up, got my number, had a good snog (the technique needed work but he wasn't bad!) , He then rang and left me a voicemailsaying how much he had enjoyed himself so i gathered advice from my friends on how to proceed. After much discussion and a variety of opinons it was settled to not contact him unless I hadn't heard anything by Thursday. So I waited and naturally Thursday arrived without a peep so I text him a fairly neutral non pyscho/stalker type text hoping he got home alright etc,etc and waited. NOTHING, not a word! I spent Friday wandering around the office bombarding the boys with questions and trying to fathom out what rules they use when first contacting a girl. Turns out that they said it was my fault because I didn't contact him sooner ( I am going with the more popular theory that his call was a booty call i.e; he wanted a shag)

Suitably baffled I once again swore off men (the previous time was when I had an encounter with a strange little man and all he wanted was a tit wank so he could come all over "my lovely big titties" as he delicately put it) and carried one as before until I was kind of set up on a date by an old work friend with another one of the guys who hung around at times in our drinking group. Here I think I broke the rules (my interpretation anyway), I dragged him outside and snogged him to see if we should go on this date and then initiated text sex on the journey home, which was fun. He came over this weekend( I guess to find out if the text was the same as the actual) and of course we ended up in bed, well in bed and on the floor and in bed, you get the idea. My friends have confirmed that I have definitely f**ked up and I will never get a new boyfriend by leaping into bed straight away with them. In my defense I was horny and hadn't had any for a couple of months and any cock would do.

Anyway back to the rules, you see what should happen now? Do i text or will that be seen as either a:- being a stalker or b:-being smothering or should I wait for his contact. It was a nice time and he seemed okay (only 1 head, 2 arms, 2 legs and 1 cock) but should it have been amazing? Should sparks be flying and we be in touch all the time? I have always be a girl who prefered a larger cock and it was average , which I know my best mate would pounce on me saying that and go on about how it's all mental but I have my likes and dislikes (dislikes being a "mini me" of any shape or form/ Likes being size and or girth). I couldn't always read him and so was unsure of either what he was thinking or feeling at times and so not overly convinced that he was enjoying himself. Should I stop over analysing it all and go with the flow? trouble is as much as I would tell myself it's not a rejection that' exactly how I'll see it despite the fact I am not overly sure.

Rules, see are very confusing. Everyone has their own set and so I shall aim to go with the flow. I have a party to go to this weekend in London any way and there will be potential there and definitely lots and lots of fun.

Busy, busy

2006-07-20T15:36:00.000+01:00

Sorry I have been so lax. I have been a bit busy and distracted lately. Since my last update I have fallen asleep on the train and ended up in Oxford where the taxi driver promptly charged me double the normal fare to get back to Reading and lectured me all the way home while I sobbed quietly to myself. B**tard! I have also had to fend off the attentions of a bloke who not only was shorter than me and had longer hair then me but when he must have finally realised he wasn't getting anywhere is last winning line was " I just want to cum over your lovely, big tittys"!!!???? Strangely not a winner with me. I got outrageously drunk at the work summer do by the river and promtly fell into the only marshy bit of land for miles round, some how managed to get all the way back to the taxi rank before one of my mates noticed and remarked that I looked like I had just finished a shift in the mines and tried to clean my face up as best he could so a taxi would take me home, while I just stood there and whinged about being wet and cold. I woke up the following morning wondering while I felt like I was wearing an all over body pack until I rolled over and saw mud all over my pillow and sheets. I then spied my wet and very muddy clothes in a pile on the floor and slowly the memories came back. I have preceeded to develop anumber of bruises all over me as well which I can not imagine how I got and it's probably best I don't dwell on it either.

I have taken up scuba diving and really enjoy it. I think at last I have found something I am good at. I may resemble an elephant seal in my wetsuit but it's great and I can't wait to get to Barbados in November to try out my new found skills in the beautiful caribbean sea!

You've only got one....

2006-06-08T14:02:00.000+01:00

You know you have good days and bad days but sometimes you get thoses days when you yo - yo!

One of my friends sent me an email with a great outlook on life at the end of it that I am adopting. It goes like this:-

Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an
attractive and well preserved body, but rather a skid in sideways - Chardonney in
one hand - chocolate in the other - body throughly used up, totally worn out and
screaming "WooHoo, What a ride!"

I think that is a great philosophy - it's the trying to live up to it that's hard sometimes, especially on days like today when you wake up feeling pretty good about yourself, put on your new tanning moisturiser, lever in to your new trousers realising that there is a bit of room in them after all and head off feeling hot to trot with secret thoughts of how maybe the 25yr Aussie might bump into you and you can pretend you are too busy to see him and be all distintrested while he practically begs you to go for a drink with him (yeah - still trying to flush him out of my system afterhow long? - 2-3 weeks) THEN while pottering around at lunchtime you catch sight of yourself in a shop window and far from looking slimmer you still resemble a dumpy, fat duck... I hate shop windows - they should be non- reflective(Back to secretly thinking that the 25yr Aussie wouldn't possibly want to go near that, would he? He did once before...).

I know I think that should never have any regrets because it would terrible to carc it wondering "what if.." and " I wish I'd..." but I guess it would be my regret if I couldn't get to see myself slim in a shop window. I think anyway... not sure what I'm trying to say really but that I hate shop window reflections and I want to live life to the full..Maybe I just wanted a rant??

Marsupial Pouch Sweat

2006-06-07T15:40:00.000+01:00

One of the guys at work has bought a Korean energy drink from the nearby Sushi place and it's called Pocari Sweat! I reckon the Koreans are taking the piss - literally. There is probably a big factory in Korea somewhere with lots of Koreans peeing into this huge vat that they fill the cans from. They then sell this to us mugs who think of how broad minded and healthy we are being, in the mean time they are laughing all the way to the bank....

Christmas at Twickenham

2006-06-06T14:28:00.000+01:00

Have any of you ever been to the Sevens tournament at Twickers. It is a great day out!

I was there with a couple of other girls and a couple of blokes and us girls decided Christmas had come early for us. There were soo many lovely guys around us (not only on the pitch) that we had a mild case of whiplash by the end of the day. All the big teams got knocked out early with one of the best matches being Australia Vs Russia. Russia whipped their sorry, little, but pert arses and one of the Russians scored a hatrick of tries. He almost became a cult figure as the chant of "Igor!, Igor!, Igor!" would go around the stadium whenever things were going well. In fact even on the bus back into Richmond that chant was going strong.

After that we headed to Redback in Acton which has a great night on a Sunday and loads of people had headed there after the Rugby so the great atmophere kept going. Snakebites in our hands we bounced around on the dancefloor getting covered in drink and getting really hot. Some of the guys are a bit touched in the head there though, I had one guy come over and bite one of my breasts. He laughed when I whacked him back on the head and gave me a kiss so it wasn't all bad I guess but each time he approached me after that I would turn away although I suppose I could have got matching bruises on my chest. Then most of the Sevens rugby teams turned up so it was Christmas all over again. These guys are gorgeous and they know it. We didn't in the end though join some of them on their coach back to their hotel as the hoards of other girls they had gathered put us off.

What a great day though! I haven't had that much fun for ages and the fact that I had forgotten to bring my pair of jeans with me and had to wear my horrible baggy trousers all weekend didn't really dampen the weekend at all. In fact I am sure they contributed to why no one sat next to me on the train back to Reading on Monday morning at 6.30AM!!!!!!

Watching paint dry....

2006-06-02T14:36:00.000+01:00

There are many days a week when I wonder if watching paint dry could really be all that boring compared to my job.

My brain has had so little use here that it's begining to go mushy. No wonder there is a small band of my work collegues that think I am intellectualy challenged. What am I talking about? A large band, in fact most of them. At least I have better toilet habits than them, I am not sure if it's some sort of male ritual here that when you go to the loo you must scatter your pubic hair as far and as much as possible around the place. How do they stick it to the wall like that or maybe I shouldn't ask. Ahh well I guess I can go back to surfing the celeb websites...... ZZZZZZZZ

2 faced Face Mask

2006-06-01T15:59:00.000+01:00

Last night I put on this super, duper, instantly make you look young and gorgeous face mask and having dutifully worn it for the full 15 mins I washed it off and found that in fact my skin did look better. However this morning I woke up with 2 new chins trying to grow on my chin which as the day has progressed are getting more annoying. To top it all one of my eyebrows has decided it also wants to get in on the action! Little f***er.

I can't wait to wake up tomorrow morning when I will probably find a large, glowing growth on the end of my nose as well. That will put a stop to any fun I may want to have over the weekend!!!!

Finishing off me so far

2006-06-01T10:34:00.000+01:00

Another day another dollar.....

So I am now in Reading, missing all my friends in London and feeling sorry for myself. The only other girl at work invites me to go to a circuit training group she and her husband run and I join up. This group is my release each week. They are a great bunch of people more in my age range and the exercise is a great vent for me. After the pain is the pleasure as we always go to the pub after the work out to put back on all we've just lost. Inevetably I am a bit pissed by the time I get dropped off back in Reading. The poor bloke that gives me the lift home must wish he didn't live the closest to me as I witter on endlessly on the journey home. Anyway through these guys I befriend another girl and we decided to go out in Reading as I still hadn't been out on the town. So it's all sorted, we dragged along one of the guys from circuit training as a guide and my best mate was over from the States as well. For some reason we were inspired to drink Tequila shots followed by Magaritas and the boys had a beer chaser while us girls had a glass of wine. Needless to say it was a messy night, in which us girls swapped tops and we ended up in a night club of which I have very little recollection about including how we got in. My best mate got us thrown out by asking a bouncer for any pills???? Dunderhead, but I was that drunk I hadn't remembered going downstairs to get in to the club and was very confused as to why we were going upstairs to leave. All good fun! However I think we scared the guy from the circuit training group with the amount of alcohol we could consume.

So that was my introduction to Reading nightlife. My lasting impression is it's a town full of students. Not good for me!!!! So it's back to Cardiff for my mates birthday. Great weekend we ended up hanging out which a bunch of rugby boys who were out celebrating their clubs 40th anniversary.

Now we all know how lovely rugby boys are, the trouble is they also know how lovely they are and are some of the most promiscuous bastards around. Still I didn't care and hooked up with this one guy for the evening who turned out to be my fantasy snog. You know what I mean? We all have these little fantasies about our perfect shag or snog or just all out session well, he filled the snog role. I am now ruined for life because I know there are guys out there who can kiss like that. Running his hands through my hair, down my neck and my back...ooohhh lovely!! Anyway he gives me his number and tells me to call him and I having taken advice from my mates duely waited until Tuesday so I didn't appear desperate(despite the fact I am). I even asked the guys at the circuit training group (one of which is a bit of ladies man so I thought he would know) and they practically gave me a script and I headed out into the beer garden to place the call..... Voicemail of course and I have never heard anything since. While whinging to my best mate about how all men are bastards( as I do most Tuesdays on my walk home) he sagely tells me that I have to learn to be rejected as it will happen - a lot!! Cheers mate.

However I decide that I should make more of an effort so that Thursday I have my first Brazilian and feel quite smug with myself. We some how end up at the Walkabout after work and I end up spending the evening chatting to this Aussie I had met once before. Well next thing you know we are back at my place I am breaking my 4 month drought!!!!! Yippee, and after hating sex for so long with my ex it was great just to enjoy it despite being pissed and he was a bit premature too. All day Friday I had the worlds biggest grin and texted all my mates to tell them of my success. I am attractive to men! Then I meet him agian on Sunday night and this time it's much better. I had forgotten you could enjoy sex so much, but you know the nicest bit was having someone roll over and give you a cuddle in the morning and a kiss, then to pull you over for a bit more was also lovely but it was the cuddle that was the best. Anyway during the course of this second encounter not only do I realise how well endowed this guy is( despite it being a funny shape and him telling me how his ex always told him he had a big one, I told him I'd seen bigger of course) but he is also 25yrs old. Better than 21 I tell myself, and then I bump into on Wednesday night while out with my best mate and he asks if I want to go to dinner and THATS when I let him get into my head.... Suddenly I am thinking he really likes me and I quite like him. This leads to me getting more emotionally attached him and I keep waiting for his call or a knock on my door. I have a permenent knot in my stomach and feel physically sick if I think I might bump into him. Stupid Sarah! I had forgotten this part of being single as well and I am not sure I welcome it.

Now over a week later when I haven't heard anything I realise that nothing will happen.The knot in my stomach has mostly gone and I no longer worry about bumping into him. I think I will avoid the Walkabout here in Reading for a bit though. I have probably become the gossip amongst the bar staff there as he was chummy with them all. My friends have put up with my telling them I wouldn't want anything to do with a well endowed 25yr old anyway any more than he would with a 32yr old with saggy tits and an arse that resembles a rather large grapefruit and I thank them all for their paitence. I love them all. To lick my wounds, this weekend I am out in London again. The Zulu bar on Saturday night and then going to the Rugby Sevens on Sunday and out after that where ever the rugby boys might be. You never know maybe second time lucky with them and the great snog!!!!!

My first blog

2006-05-31T17:31:00.000+01:00

I have recently gone through a few changes in my life and this has created a number of new adventures for me. While boring one of me new work collegues with my latest one they suggested I should write a blog so here I go........

At the end of January this year I told my boyfriend of 7 years to go back to NZ. I told him that Ithought he neede to sort his head out and so should go home. The truth was I didn't love him anymore and the thought of him touching me was making my skin crawl soo much it was in danger of showing. Imean how long can a girl make a period last realistically?????? He can't of been that bothered as when I got home from work the next day he had booked his ticket home and got his boxes from AngloPacific. I had just started a new job in Reading that was looking quite promising so I had decied to move from London to Reading before the commute killed me.

So here I am. My ex left on Valentines Day and I moved into my new Studio just outside Reading town centre. Initialy I was very lonely but decided if I was going to get through this I had to cut myself off from all my friends and learn to be lonely. Then my best friend was over from the States on business and came to see me and promptly told me to pull my head out of my arse and stop being a martyr. He is good at that, making me see what a dick I am being.

My first night out as a singleton took me to Cardiff where I used to live and I caught up with old friends. I had a couple of snogs and thought I was the bees knees until I found out the one guy I gave my mobile number was 21!!!! F**k me talk about cradle snatching! There older guy had told me he had 2 kids to which my response was to walk off and tell him " I dont do that shit". All class! The 21yr old took to texting my which when I found out that he did indeed stack shelves in Iceland for a living. The conversations were limited.

Then one of my close friends persuaded me to go on a singles night with here in London. She was going with a group of her friends and wanted support. So like a mug I paid my £30 and went along. It was the meeting of the Damned; the Dance of the desperates was on the dance floor and men slimed their way around the room asking to " stick their big keys in our small padlocks" After the 3rd time you felt quite sick and wanted to slap them. Men came up and introduced themseleves as Gordon of the golems (that's what you heard anyway) and then latched onto your neck and started slurping and dribbling. They were most offended when you leavered them off and told them to take a hike. Apparently dribbling down girls necks was the point of the evening!!!!! So my friend and I left early and went to the Redback in Acton where she had had the sense to line up a back up boy!!!! After collecting him and a friend we wnet back to her's where the boys promtly started snorting charlie and another random guy turned up. While one of the boys went off to get more supplies his mate asked me if I would slept with that guy that had popped out so he wouldn't have to sleep on the sofa; and if I did I could have the last line of charlie!!!! How special did I feel. DICK!!!!!. I told him I wasn't a £20 hooker and didn't do pity f**ks and stalked off to bed.

So far it wasn't all going to plan at all. I was being remeinded that single life although fun, was also quite painful as well. I still hadn't spent a single weekend in Reading, I missed my cat who is now living with my parents, where were all these lovely men for me to catch up on the last 7 years and many more questions?????

Still I had my best mate in one ear egging me on and telling how proud he is of me and my Mum nagging me in the other about my biological clock (which I have yet to find). To top it all my ex keeps emailing me and sending postcards telling me how much he misses me. If only he knew!

I will continue with this tomorrow!